I don't know when it started, or why, but today I found out. I fell off the running wagon.
I woke up this morning unusually bummed out. I didn't want to get out of bed, out of the shower, or out of the car in the parking lot at work. I didn't want to start the day. I went through a meeting, went through my email, went through the day motion by motion. I was completely unmotivated. Sitting at my desk around 5:30pm, I decided to simply get in the car and go home, not particularly excited about that either. Some small voice, increasingly small of late, told me it was time to go for a run.
On my run, I realized some basic thing that escaped me a long time ago, something that I've been struggling to get back. I wanted to get back on my good foot, but just didn't know how. The best I can figure, my running season got off to a good start: I ran a great 10k with my brother, a decent local 5k, completed a 42 mile hike in one day, and set a personal best on my Taylorstown route. Sometime after that, things fell apart. As days turned into weeks, I could feel my fitness slipping away. Occasionally, I would lace up my shoes and go out for a run, but I just didn't enjoy it. I began making excuses for not running--my knee hurt, I needed new shoes, I needed more sleep, I needed to eat better, or I needed to work less. I stopped talking about running ... and stopped blogging. I fell off the wagon.
How did I get to this point?, I wheezed. All along, the dark, gloomy cloud of guilt hung heavy over my shoulders. With each run missed, I felt less motivated. After I missed a lot of runs, I gradually started giving up. Guilt is a runner's worst enemy. It chipped away at my accomplishments and focused me on my failures. A missed run became more than a missed run. I realized I had it all wrong. Running isn't about looking backward. It's not about that missed run, it's about that next step. It's not about the last race, it's about the next one. Always look forward to the future, and enjoy it. What an important thought. My missed runs don't matter as much as my next completed run. The races I missed don't matter as much as the ones I enter next.
How do I get out of this rut?, I asked myself. Well, I just have to start over ...
from the beginning. As fast as I got into running shape, I got out of it. I simply can't do the long runs I was doing a few months ago. This, too, is an important thought. When I started this blog, I recently took up running after a hiatus that lasted a few years. This time, I can still remember the confidence running eight easy miles gave me. If I go out and bust eight miles today, it won't be easy and, more importantly, I might injure myself. So I must start over with just a few short runs a week, until I gradually build myself back to former glory. And so I did today, running one lap around Franklin Park, about 5k.
I thought it important blog this all out because this blog is supposed to be as much about the "lows" as the "highs." Hopefully, some frustrated runner out there will understand this and get out the the rut sooner than I did.
Happy trails.